The piece is framed by its title as an account of a particle physicist tallying United Russia’s results in St. Petersburg. In the body, the author says the text is full of fantasies from their imagination. Any resemblance to real people, polling stations, cities, or incidents is called a pure coincidence, attributed to chaotic neuron switches inside the author’s own neural network. The author adds that they claim neither objectivity nor even the existence of their own self.